Coping with Suicide Loss

Coping with Suicide Loss - Complex Healing Process

A. Beyond Surviving

No two people will grieve in the same way. Some will find support groups helpful; others may rely on friends' support. Some may turn to books; others may go to therapy. Some may take weeks to get back to "normal life"; others may find that life as they remember it no longer exists and they need to redefine themselves. Our response to the aftermath of suicide is shaped by a number of things - past experiences with death and loss, other current life stressors, our mental health, our family cultural traditions, our relationship with the deceased (e.g., strength of bond, presence of conflict, etc.), the circumstances surrounding the death, our support system, and our personality.

People feel a range of emotions in the aftermath of suicide - not everyone will go through all of these experiences and the length of each may differ, but these are common emotional reactions that often come like a tidal wave unexpectedly and repeatedly.

· Guilt and self-blame for not being able to prevent the suicide
· Anger at the person who died, at the world, at God, at yourself
· Experiencing suicidal thoughts yourself
· Depression and incredible sadness triggered by anything from major life milestones to a song on the radio

During the healing process, it is important to be patient with yourself and take each day as it comes. Surround yourself with caring people who do not try to fix things, but just listen without judgment. Set limits and postpone any major decisions if you can during this time. Basic self-care - eating, sleeping, hydration - are very important to feeling more stable and better able to handle the intense emotions. Avoid alcohol abuse and other mood altering substances - while they may alleviate the pain in the short-run, they tend to exacerbate depression and pain in the long run.

B. Coping with Holidays, Anniversaries and Birthdays: New Traditions and Healing Rituals

With an empty chair around the table, important celebrations can be particularly hard for suicide survivors. Before the holiday arrives, talk with the family about the expectations and consider creating some new traditions. For some, it may be better to be all together while others might prefer to be by themselves. Usually the anticipation of the holiday is worse than the actual day. There is not a right way to approach these days - find a way that works for you.

The death anniversary can also be a difficult time for survivors. Many find comfort in participating in some form of healing ritual of remembrance to honor the life of the loved one. Rituals serve many purposes for the suicide survivors. They make changes manageable and mark transitions. Rituals communicate values and beliefs while providing containment for strong emotions. The power of rituals comes from the fact that they often provoke deep emotional experiences that hold a level of meaning that words cannot capture. These practices may be done alone or with others: · Plant a memorial garden or tree. · Dove release or balloon release. · Candle lighting ceremony. · Write a poem or letter and release it to the universe by burning it.

For more information on surviving after suicide please visit The Carson J Spencer Foundation Website.

SUICIDE RISK FACTORS AND WARNING SIGNS

SUICIDE RISK FACTORS AND WARNING SIGNS
NOTE: This post is intended for informational purposes only.

Adapted from Colorado's Office of Suicide Prevention

RISK FACTORS
· Depression, Bipolar Disorder, or other mental illness- especially when there is a heightened sense of hopelessness

· Significant loss (divorce, death, loss of health, separation, break-ups, loss of respect)

· Pressure to succeed

· Family problems

· Poor self esteem

· Family history of suicidal behavior

· Someone close to individual has completed suicide

· Substance abuse or dependence


WARNING SIGNS

People who are in danger of taking their own lives may try to reach out to others - sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. Rarely will at-risk individuals immediate volunteer the information that they are thinking of harming themselves. Instead they might exhibit some of the following warning signs:

· Talking about suicide, death, or preoccupation with dying. Might say, "I wish I were dead" or "People would be better off if I am not around" or "Soon you won't have to worry about me" or "I just can't take it anymore. I am done."

· Has a suicidal plan and the means to carry it through (note: many attempts, especially in youth are impulsive. Thus, absence of a plan is not evidence of absence of risk)

· Trouble eating or sleeping (sleeping all the time, unable to sleep at all, not able to eat or overeating)

· Intensity of distress and agitation accompanied by depression.

· Significant changes in behavior and/or personality

· Withdrawing from family and friends

· Loss of interest in activities, work, school, hobbies, or social interactions

· Deteriorating physical appearance

· Giving away prized possessions and saying goodbye

· Previous suicide attempts

· Increased drug and/or alcohol use

· Statements about hopelessness, or worthlessness or feeling like a burden to others

· Taking unnecessary risks

· Sudden happiness or calmness following a depressed mood

· Obsession with suicidal means (guns, knives, hanging materials)

· Problems in school or work performance

· Chronic pain or frequent complaints of physical symptoms

· An inability to concentrate, trouble remembering things


ADDITIONAL WARNING SIGNS FOR ADULTS

· Stockpiling medications

· Buying a gun

· Taking a sudden interest or losing interest in religion

· Getting ones affairs in order - paying off debt, getting a will, getting life insurance

· Scheduling medical appointments for vague symptoms


ADDITIONAL WARNING SIGNS FOR ADOLESCENTS

· Volatile mood swings or sudden changes in personality

· Eating disorders

· Sexual orientation or gender identity concerns

SUICIDE MYTHS AND FACTS

SUICIDE MYTHS AND FACTS

Myth: Suicide is extremely rare.

Fact: Suicide happens much more often than most people are aware. For every 2 homicides there are three suicides, and yet with the media coverage for homicide, you'd expect the reverse to be true. In many areas there are more deaths from suicide than there are to motor vehicle crashes. Tremendous amounts of money are put toward road care, safe driver enforcement, and vehicle safety, and yet very little is dedicated to suicide awareness, prevention and intervention.



Myth: Asking about suicide might put the idea into someone's head.

Fact: Bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do because it relieves the suicidal person of the incredible sense of isolation they experience and relays that someone has insight to their pain and cares about their well-being.



Myth: People who talk about suicide are just trying to get attention.

Fact: Almost all people who eventually die by suicide have given some clue or warning. When suicidal threats are not taken seriously, the person may conclude that no one cares.



Myth: If a person is determined to kill themselves, nothing is going to stop them.

Fact: Most suicidal people are ambivalent, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. For example, people in a suicidal crisis frequently call for help immediately following a suicide attempt. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever. Suicide is preventable.



Myth: People just snap and take their lives without warning.

Fact: There are almost always warning signs, but others are often unaware of their significance or do not know what to do.



Myth: People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.

Fact: Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help within six months before their deaths.


References: NAMI, Yellow Ribbon