Suicide Survivors Corner

A Simple Gift: Reaching Out and Renewing Hope

2011-12-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

By Sally Spencer-Thomas

After my brother died by suicide in 2004, my workplace gave me the most amazing gift – the gift of their support. As many of them reached out to me, their kindness made all the difference in my ability to cope with this devastating loss.

First, there was Jerene, my direct supervisor. Just two days after my brother’s death, Jerene called me up, “Sally where are you? I am coming over to give you something.”

She drove from our workplace up to my parents’ home and delivered a huge vat of chicken soup. During a time when my family could barely choke anything down, that soup sustained us.

Then there was Tom, my Vice President. On the day of the memorial service, Tom joined many of my co-workers at the church. After the service was over, he found me and gently cupped my face in his hands to express his sympathy. This tender gesture was so heartfelt and kind; I will never forget it.

Finally, my bereavement leave ended, and I found myself facing the reality that I needed to return to work and some level of functioning. When I opened the door to my office on my first day back, my desk was covered with cards, flowers and well-wishes. From co-workers I knew well, and from folks I didn’t know at all. I instantly knew that the support I was going to get was going to carry me through this very difficult part of my life.

Belonging
Humans are hardwired to be in relationship with others. For some these are vast connections and broad social networks, and for others just a few intimate bonds are all they need. Workplaces that are mentally healthy cultivate a sense of belonging. Work teams and social groups can sometimes evolve into friendships that last a lifetime. Belonging fosters a sense of trust and interdependency that can help distressed workers find hope during tough times. When workmates pull together around difficult assignments, the encouragement they give one another can be the protective factor that decreases the impact of high levels of stress. For these reasons, workplaces that foster genuine belonging will find they have more mentally resilient employees.

A Little Goes a Long Way
While we can all think of some people that are constant drains in relationships because their needs are so great, most people do not need much. A little caring usually goes a long way. For example, in one study, hospitals sent caring letters to people who had recently been discharged after a serious suicide attempt. The letters just said something to the effect of, “We’re so glad you came in for treatment. Please, call us if we can help in any way.” Each letter was personalized to a small degree and signed by the attending care provider. The research found that the patients who received the caring letters were significantly less likely to have a subsequent suicide attempt than those who didn’t get the letters. If that wasn’t enough, the study was replicated using computer generated postcards – no personalization whatsoever. The same outcome resulted. If a computer generated postcard can have this level of impact, think about what is possible when people who know each other reach out and say, “I see that you have been looking down lately. I am here for you.”

Reaching the Unreachable
Another known fact is that people who have multiple risks for suicide are also sometimes the least likely to seek help on their own. Because of this, caring work communities need to be intentional in reaching the “unreachable.”

Mother Teresa was known for helping those that no one else would. In a story she wrote in her book, In the Heart of the World, she talks about finding an elderly man who had been ignored by everyone and whose home was in complete disarray.

She told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed." He answered, "I'm okay like this. Let it be."

She persisted and he finally agreed. While she was cleaning his house, she discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust.

She asked him, "Don't you light your lamp? Don't you ever use it?"

He answered, "No. No one comes to see me. I have no need to light it. Who would I light it for?"

She asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"

He replied, "Of course."

From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening. They cleaned the lamp and lit it every evening.

Two years went by and Mother Teresa had completely forgotten that man when she received a message from him: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."

Re-Gifting
One of the great things about the gift of reaching out is that we can re-gift it and people don’t think it’s tacky. It turns out the idea of “paying it forward” is both a gift to the receiver and a gift to the giver. When people who have been helped through a difficult time are able to help another, they often find meaning in their earlier struggle and value the wisdom gained.

This notion of “reciprocity” is one of the cornerstones in what make programs like Alcoholics Anonymous work. When people successfully go through the 12-steps of the program and maintain their sobriety, they can become sponsors and support others who are just beginning. The work of being a sponsor helps many maintain sobriety because it strengthens positive self-regard. Furthermore, sponsors find that being there for someone else makes them hold themselves accountable to being a worthy role model.

If people who are resistant to seeking help see an opportunity to pay it forward by mentoring another down the road, they often become more inclined to receive the gift of help. Peer support and mentoring programs offer these opportunities at worksites, but other opportunities can exist within communities.

In summary, reaching out is a great gift – one size fits all, and it’s easy to exchange.

For more information on suicide prevention, intervention or postvention training visit www.WorkingMinds.org or contact Sally@CarsonJSpencer.org.

About the Author
As a psychologist and the survivor of her brother’s suicide, Dr. Sally Spencer-Thomas addresses the issue of suicide prevention, intervention and postvention from many angles. Currently she is the Executive Director for the Carson J Spencer Foundation (www.CarsonJSpencer.org), a Colorado-based (USA) nonprofit that is dedicated to “sustaining a passion for life” through suicide prevention, social enterprise and support for emerging leaders.” In 2009, the Carson J Spencer Foundation launched the Working Minds Program (www.WorkingMinds.org), a comprehensive suicide prevention initiative for workplaces. As a professional speaker, she frequently presents keynotes and trainings for workplaces, campuses, and conferences around the world. In addition, she is the Executive Secretary for the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, the public-private partnership advancing the Surgeon General’s National Strategy for Suicide Prevention. Finally, she is the Division Chair for Survivors of Suicide Loss for the American Association of Suicidology.

Tensions in Postvention: An International Dialogue Part I

2011-12-21T13:41:00.010-07:00

By Sally Spencer-Thomas

In the aftermath of a suicide, several needs are evident —psychological first aid for those most directly affected, help for communities as they return to a level of functioning, and surveillance for vulnerable individuals who might be harmed by contagion. The strategies to achieve meeting these needs sometimes come into conflict with one another and create tension in our postvention efforts. Well-meaning and well-informed people can find themselves firmly standing on one side or another of these points of potential disagreement, complicating an already difficult process.

In September this year, I had the honor of facilitating an international discussion on the “Tensions in Postvention” at the International Association of Suicide Prevention’s (IASP) World Congress in Beijing. About two dozen people gathered to join some of the top suicidologists from around the globe as we explored the challenges of supporting individuals, families and communities in the aftermath of a suicide. Among the invited participants were:

· Karl Andriessen, M.Suicidology, (BELGIUM), Coordinator of the Suicide Prevention Program of the Flemish Mental Health Centres, and Co-Chair of the IASP Taskforce on Suicide Bereavement and Postvention. He is a tireless advocate for the needs of people bereaved by suicide.
· Prof. Onja Grad, PhD, (SLOVENIA), clinical psychologist who has worked with survivors on a daily basis for the past 22 years — with individuals, families, groups. She is also a teacher at the University of Ljubljana School of Medicine.
· Myfanwy Maple, PhD, BSW (Honours Degree), (AUSTRALIA), senior Lecturer, Social Work Course Coordinator, School of Health. He is a social work academic and researcher in suicide bereavement over the past decade, particularly examining the experiences of individual family members experience of loss.
· Sandra Palmer, Ph.D. (NEW ZEALAND), a registered psychologist and Clinical Manager Community Postvention Response Service, and provides support to communities experiencing suicide clusters or contagion. She continually faces the challenge of balancing the need for communities and families to honor the loss of loved ones with safe postvention practices to manage contagion to prevent further losses in the community.
· John Peters, M.Suicidology (UNITED KINGDOM), lost his son to suicide 19 years ago and has for many years been a volunteer with Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide including staffing their Helpline each week and running peer-led support groups and an annual support day.
· Diana Sands, PhD, (AUSTRALIA), Director, Bereaved by Suicide Service; has worked with families bereaved by suicide for over twenty years, produced a film and wrote a book for children bereaved by suicide. She will speak to the complex and sensitive issues regarding how to talk with children bereaved by suicide.

During this session we discussed the following questions:

1) How can we balance the need to prevent contagion with the need to honor loss?
2) How do we balance getting a familiar sense of normalcy with the acknowledgement of significance to a community that has been deeply affected by a suicide loss?
3) Do we tell children about suicide or not? When do we tell them? How much information?
4) What services do we provide – lay led, professionally facilitated or some combination? Knowing that the research indicates the benefits of peer led efforts, how do we manage quality control and sustainability?
5) How do we safely involve survivors or suicide loss and attempts in research? What are the best protocols for this?

In this column, I will review the discussion of the first two questions, and in the next issue of Newslink I will review the discussion of the last three questions.
How can we balance the need to prevent contagion with the need to honor loss?

As we opened the discussion many participants shared examples of how communities have navigated the balance between what family and close friends want and what is safe for the community. Sandra Palmer talked about how t-shirts printed with pictures of lost loved ones are commonly seen at funerals and memorialization events. She went on to describe how families when told about the potential risk will also print a hotline number or other resource on the t-shirt. I talked about how candle lighting ceremonies are common and how we can help communities make these events safer by coaching the event planners on safe messaging and surrounding the attendees with helpful resources. Jill Fisher of Australia talked about framing a memorial event as a remembrance event celebrating life rather than over-emphasizing the circumstances of a death.

Sandra Palmer: “What we are getting to is about balance.”

Jill Fisher: “We try to do a number of activities to meet a number of needs of the bereaved.”

Onja Grad: “[The response] has to be right away.”

Diane Sands: “Schools are much more careful. Families are more thoughtful and respectful to the community. We can rely on folk to be more thoughtful.”
As in many provocative discussions attendees raised additional questions:

· How can we be proactive in our efforts with families and communities so they understand the risks?
· Knowing that it is never anyone’s intention to cause additional harm, how do we explain to families that there is a risk in doing things the way they planned?
· Many families, including my own, have a huge desire to do prevention work right away, and yet without proper time to grieve and heal sometimes these efforts crash and burn, causing additional hardship. How can we counsel people to heal first and engage in prevention activities later?
· How do we support people in bereavement when we are not of the grieving family’s culture?
· How do we promote young people’s safety while giving them the space to grieve in their own way, which often includes very public expressions through social media? For instance, youth sometimes post on their deceased friend’s Facebook page. Sometimes the outpouring reflects their grief at the loss like a public shrine of flowers and stuffed animials might. Others post comments like “you are now in a better place,” thereby romanticizing the death and minimizing the tragedy.

The general consensus of the group was that both honoring loss and preventing contagion are possible. With outreach to new survivors and supportive instruction about preventing contagion, we can allow a safe space for the bereaved to mourn and direct the grief energy so that risk factors for contagion are minimized.

[To watch this Part I of the discussion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kIoXoCvrz4 ]

How do we balance getting a familiar sense of normalcy with the acknowledgement of significance to a community that has been deeply affected by a suicide loss?
This question revolves around a community response to suicide. We noted that returning to a previous routine can be grounding for many after a trauma; it offers structure and a sense of familiarity. Nevertheless, moving too quickly or too completely to “business as usual” can make those closest to the loss feel discounted.

We also acknowledged that in larger systems and communities there will often be many people who are not affected at all by the death, and if we go in “all guns blazing” we can do harm.

Many cited George Bonanno’s work (Bonanno, 2004) on resiliency after trauma and emphasized the potential strength of the human spirit and the power of communities pulling together after a loss like suicide. The key to finding the right balance revolved around framing the interventions as choices with the understanding that different survivors need different things at different points in their grief journey. Jill Fisher called her approach an invitation of the “lightest touch” so that what we offer won’t interfere with the natural resilience that exists.

As Jill noted, “After a suicide you find police, criminal investigators, medical rescue professionals, coroners — up to 10 people in your home — that you have no right to say ‘no’ to. You are invaded. We want to make sure that the bereavement support is a choice you’ve made.”

The group also explored the reality that not all suicide deaths impact communities in the same way. For instance a school that has been rocked by multiple deaths usually experiences heightened anxiety and fear as rumors escalate. For these communities, “returning to normal” might require more conversations of assurance.

One participant described this particular tension in postvention: “Grief is a natural process, and when you put shutters around it, damage can be done. The bereaved will let you know what they need; our role is to support them.”

While the cultures and languages of this diverse group of experts varied, the themes of the challenges were similar. By sharing lessons learned and stories of success, we forged a solidarity in our efforts to support people bereaved by suicide.

Reference:
Bonanno, G. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20-28.

Sally Spencer-Thomas is CEO and co-founder, Carson J Spencer Foundation, founded after the suicide of her brother. The foundation is known for preventing suicide in the workplace, coaching youth social entrepreneurs to be the next generation of suicide prevention advocates, and supporting the bereaved. She is AAS Survivor Division Chair.

"Reposted with permission from the American Association for Suicidology" follow this link to see the article in Newslink.

Tsunami: The Aftermath of a Suicide Crisis

2011-03-16T14:37:00.000-06:00

My brother Carson died by suicide December 7, 2004 -- the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor, two weeks before Christmas, and two weeks before his 35th birthday. It was also two weeks before the Asian tsunami. As the world reacted to that disaster, the aftermath of Carson’s death similarly hit our family, as we too were flooded, overwhelmed, and left helpless. The news of his suicide crashed tsunami-like around us – totally engulfing us in despair and darkness. Frozen and in shock, we fought for every breath, thinking “This cannot be happening.” I confused night with day, day with night. I remember feeling very, very vulnerable. I would be driving to the airport to pick up a guest for Carson’s memorial service and I would look up and have no idea where I was or what I was doing. Then I would be hit by a wave of panic as I were sure everyone on the road was going to hit my car.

After the birth of my third child in September, I had been on maternity leave for the months leading up to Carson’s death. I had burned up all my sick and vacation time, and the three days we are given to grieve a first degree relative. I needed to resurface and go back to work. I remember coming up for air and looking around; the landscape had changed because my brother was no longer in it. Everything looked and felt different. Things that were so desperately important at work before no longer mattered. I both dreaded and welcomed my first day back to the office. Dread because I just didn’t care anymore; desired because I missed the structure and sense of purpose my workplace provided me. I remember the first day back. I opened my office door to see a pile of cards and flowers on my desk. My inbox was filled with well-wishes, many from people I didn’t even know. I knew with this level of support that I would be okay. My workplace gave me the flextime to access our Employee Assistance Program and attend support groups, which I did. They told me to do what needed to do to get back on my feet, and I am forever grateful for their kindness during this very trying time in my life.

Just like the tsunami, the ripple effects of Carson’s death spread deep and wide, and to this day still continue to affect others. Thanks to social media, I am still connecting with people Carson knew who are just now learning of his passing. His co-workers and business partners established a scholarship in his memory designed to help young entrepreneurs get to college. This loving affirmation of my brother’s life carries on his gift of helping others and gave many of those connected through his work a chance to honor his life.
The aftershocks of the trauma were severe at first, some of them predictable like on Father’s Day, his wedding anniversary, his birthday, and certainly his death anniversary. Others caught us off guard, like the time I was digging through a box of photos. I found a picture that I had forgotten about, of us dancing at my wedding. Not many brothers and sisters dance to their own song when they get married to another person, but Carson and I had a song: Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You.” Whenever we heard it on the radio we would belt it out to each other at the top of our lungs as silly as possible. At my wedding, Carson and I twirled around the dance floor – my hair coming out of the up-do, his shirt hanging untucked from his tuxedo. And someone snapped a picture as we joyously sang the chorus, eyes locked and laughing. When I found this picture, I wept and wept. Then I made a copy of it to hang next to my computer at work, so I would never forget.

As with the tsunami, the rebuilding process has been long and hard, requiring many systems of support. In this sense I often feel lucky, because unlike many survivors of suicide I had a workplace that was supportive, a faith community that understood his suicide as the fatal outcome of a mental illness (not a crime against God), and a network of friends and co-workers who did all the right things.

I don’t tell this story because I want pity or because I need sympathy. While losing Carson has clearly been the most difficult experience of my life, I have been given many gifts along my grief journey. I was reminded of this by the leader of the rock group Seether, who lost his younger brother to suicide and wrote a song called “Rise Above This” on the album Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces. This too has been my experience in grief. I have found depth in relationships and spirituality and an unwavering calling of vocation. No, I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I tell this story because so few families do, and thus, people think it can never happen to them. While I am humbled by this experience, I am also hopeful. Suicide is arguably one of the more preventable causes of death, so I also share this story in hopes that others will come forward and say, “I too have been affected, and I want to make a difference - how can I get involved?” And finally, I share this story because people who are in a suicidal crisis often think they those who love them will be better off without them. I am here to tell them that suicide causes a legacy of trauma and pain that continues for generations. No matter how hard it gets, you never know what is waiting for you around the corner.

On the Power of Ritual to Make Meaning for Survivors of Suicide Loss

2011-03-16T13:43:00.000-06:00

Reprinted with permission from the American Association of Suicidology's Newslink newsletter

Many of us who are caught up in the conspiracy of busyness are often cut off from our grief. In many cultures in the U.S., we are trained to be fearful of death; we are conditioned to “get over” our loss and move on as quickly as possible. However, as a Jewish prayer states, “We do best homage to our dead by living our lives fully even in the shadow of our loss. Our grief is what allows us to begin to live our lives fully again after loss.” One of the ways I have found to work through the grief and loss of my brother’s suicide is through healing rituals.

Rituals are symbolic actions that usually acknowledge or honor transitions in our lives and can be very powerful tools for processing our emotions. For one, they can provide some containment for what feels like a chaotic, out-of-control experience. We usually don’t know what to do, especially in the aftermath of an unanticipated trauma like suicide. Rituals sometimes have very soothing, reassuring aspects to them and give our minds something meaningful to focus upon.

Many other reasons for the effectiveness of rituals exist. When words don’t suffice, rituals offer symbolic means to communicate. Community rituals help build a sense of solidarity. As we try to figure out a “new normal” in our individual and family lives, rituals can help give us structure. Rituals can become intentional releases like pressure valves; they can bring forth cherished memories and connect us to what matters most. Every year I engage in and facilitate a number of rituals for myself, my family and my community. Here are some:

Rituals of remembrance: Probably the most common rituals for grieving a loss are rituals of remembrance. Lighting candles in honor of our loved ones is a powerful and beautiful acknowledgement of the light they brought to the world. Saying the names of our deceased loved ones out loud also has a strong impact. I remember after my brother died by suicide, I was at a complete loss on what to do on Father’s Day for my Dad. When I meditated on this question, the image of a Weeping American Elm flashed in my mind’s eye. Planting a tree together provided a ritual that symbolized Carson’s enduring spirit and the seasons of our lives. Watching the tree grow reminds us that our bond with him continues.
Rituals of communication: Rituals of communication can give us the opportunity to say the things we couldn’t or didn’t while our loved one was alive. One way to do this is by writing a letter or a poem to our loved one.

Rituals of nurturing: Grieving is hard work, and often we are so overwhelmed by the intensity of our emotions, we forget to take care of ourselves. In the process, we can find ourselves drained or continually sick, and this just adds to our misery. Having a “comfort box” nearby can give us some ideas on how we can replenish ourselves. Soothing music or aromatherapy might be nurturing for some. Other people might include religious passages or affirmations that they find grounding. Pictures or stories that make us laugh or warm our soul can also help.

Rituals of reflection: In our busy lives we often find it hard to pause and reflect on where we have been, where we are at and where we are going. Rituals of reflection give us the space and structure to do this. Sometimes this form of ritual can be through meditation or prayer. Others times we may find journaling or drawing serve this purpose. I find long periods of meditation open up channels of thought or insight I cannot get in any other way. I follow these practices with journaling around the insights I have received, and I often look back on these entries to “connect the dots” of themes in my entries.

Rituals of community connection: Many of the local and national suicide prevention walks offer rituals of community connection as a way to publicly honor our loved ones and create a sense of belongingness among bereaved people. I have seen balloon releases, dove releases, and “mardi gras” bead wearing as examples of these community practices. At our AAS conference each year we have our survivor quilts (quilts made to honor our loved ones who died by suicide) displayed. These group rituals let us know we are not alone in our pain.

Rituals of release: Sometimes we have places in our grief that seem to get in our way. Guilt, anger, and regret can fester and keep us stuck. For rituals of release, some people have written these thoughts out on paper and then have burned the paper as a symbol of letting these toxic emotions go. Others have buried symbols of these emotions in the ground.

On the anniversary of my brother’s death, I bring out everything I have that reminds me of him. I usually take the day off from work and have the house to myself. I watch videos, look at pictures, and read the letters he wrote to me. I smile as I read the 10-year-old handwritten note he send me while I was at summer camp. I cry as I watch the video of him joyously playing with his daughter. I look at the pictures of us hugging at different ages in our lives and think, “he loved me, he loved me, he loved me.” And I put my finger right on the grieving, because I never want to lose touch with why I do this work. I will always remember, and I believe he walks with me as I go on this journey.

At the close of the Healing after Suicide Conference in April, we will have a healing ceremony for survivors of suicide loss. If you have a ritual you have found to be particularly powerful that can be done in a large group setting, I would love to have your ideas. Please, email me at Sally@CarsonJSpencer.org.
+++++++++++++++++
For more resources for Survivors of Suicide Loss visit the American Association of Suicidology: click here.

The Carson J Spencer Foundation offers families recently bereaved by suicide iCare Packages (semi-customized resources packets). For more information: click here.

What rituals have helped you or others who have been bereaved by suicide?

Reflections of the Family of Suicidologists

2010-04-25T18:41:00.000-06:00

When I arrived at my hotel on Tuesday evening, I was weary from a long flight from Denver to Orlando and looking forward to a quiet restful evening. No sooner did I drag my bags through the rotating doors when I was greeted by a half dozen other weary travelers with big smiles and warm hugs. I said, “I guess I am in the right place.”

Photo by edanley

You see, about 1,000 of us suicidologists traveled across the country, some as far away as Australia to come together for the annual American Association of Suicidologists’ conference. Even though most of us only see each other once a year, we are like a tightly knit extended family. In fact, it was difficult to get to all of our sessions in time because inevitably we would cross paths with at least two or three old friends every time we moved from room to room and the hugging and chatting would delay our arrival.

What makes this conference so special to me is that everyone works together. We have researchers working alongside clinicians. Families bereaved by suicide loss and suicide attempt survivors are working alongside those advocating for public policy change. People working for the military are listening to what is happening on our college campuses. We have support and compassion for people who have just recently lost a loved one to suicide, and we honor those who have dedicated their lives to the cause. Brilliant thinkers listen intently to understand so they can ask better research questions and understanding their findings. Passionate advocates and counselors soak up best practices to improve their efforts. And at the end of the day, we get together over a couple of beers and laugh.

Another reason this field inspires me is that we are a dedicated and scrappy group. With fire in our bellies we continue to try to figure out one of the most tragic human experiences. And we don’t give up. When funding gets cut, we get ultra-resourceful. When the media turn away from the good stories we have to tell, we keep knocking on the door. We are able to persist through hardship because of our unwavering commitment to saving lives and because of the support we get from one another. Even though we are in tough economic times, our association’s growth continues.

Highlights on the conference include:

Asking two of my friends to sign books they had written that were just published within the last month (Thomas Joiner, The Myths of Suicide and Michelle Linn-Gust Rocky Roads: The Journeys of Families through Suicide Grief)
Seeing the Clinician-Survivor task force take off – integrating the divisions of research, bereavement and clinical practice to open the conversation of how mental health service providers cope with the impact of suicide loss, personally and professionally
Presenting with colleagues on topics we care about such as:

Reaching men at risk for suicide who don’t seek help
Assimilating the benefits of spirituality into suicide prevention, intervention and PostventionLooking at the challenges and opportunities of working in systems like college campuses, workplaces and the military
Helping those bereaved by suicide become “survivors in action”

[Picture is of the memory quilt made in honor of my brother Carson Spencer (1969-2004)]

On our last evening of the conference, those who had lost loved ones to suicide gathered in a circle in reflection. Memory quilts lined the walls around us as we “lit” battery powered candles (the hotel was afraid of the fire hazard of lighting real ones) and Iris Bolton led us in a ritual where we said the names of our loved ones out loud. We cried, held hands and were witness to each other’s grief. Never forget. Never give up. See you next year.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you were at this conference with me over the last five days – please share your highlights in the comment box.

If you want to learn more about joining the American Association of Suicidology: CLICK HERE

Resources to Learn More about Suicide

2007-07-13T13:22:00.000-06:00

I. BOOKS ABOUT SUICIDE

Resource Key:
Red resources are for young children and those who take care of children who have lost someone to suicide.

Blue resources are especially for parents who have lost a child to suicide.

Green resources are especially for sibling survivors of suicide.

· Baugher, B. & Joran, J. (2001) After Suicide: Coping With Your Grief.

· Bloom, L. (1986) Mourning After Suicide.

· Bolton, I. (1991) My Son, My Son: A Guide to Healing After a Suicide in the Family

· Carlson, Trudy (1995). Suicide Survivors Handbook.

· Chilstrom, C. (1993) Andrew, You Died Too Soon: A Family Experience of Grieving and Living Again.

· Clark, S. (1995). After Suicide: Help for the Bereaved.

· Collins, J. (2003). Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival and Strength.

· Donnelly, K. (2000). Recovering from the Loss of a Sibling.

· Dougy Center (2001) After a Suicide: A Workbook for Grieving Kids.

· Ellis, T. A. & Newman, C. F. (1996) Choosing to Live.

· Fine, C. (1999) No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One.

· Goldman, L. (1996) Breaking the Silence.

· Goldman, L. & Goldman, J. (1998) Bart Speaks Out: Breaking the Silence on Suicide (a workbook for young children to journal their feelings about the loss of a loved one to suicide)

· Hewett, John (1980). After Suicide.

· Jackson, J. (2004) A Handbook for Survivors of Suicide. American Association of Suicidology · Jamison, Kay Redfield (1999). Night Falls Fast.

· Joiner, Thomas (2005). Why People Die By Suicide.

· Kletter, J. (2001). Trying to Remember, Forced to Forget (My Father's Suicide)

· Linn-Gust, M. (2001). Do They Have Bad Days in Heaven?: Surviving the Suicide Loss of a Sibling

· McCracken, A. and Semel M. (1999) A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies.

· Mehren E. (1997). After the Darkest Hour the Sun Will Shine Again.

· Miller, S. (2000). An Empty Chair: Living in the Wake of a Sibling's Suicide.

· Murphy, J. (1999) Coping with Teen Suicide.

· Parkin, Rebecca (1995). Child Survivors of Suicide: A Guidebook for Those Who Care for Them.

· Quinnett, Paul G. (1987). Suicide: The Forever Decision - For Those Thinking About Suicide, and For Those Who Know, Love or Counsel Them.

· Rubel, B. (2000). But I Didn't Say Goodbye: For Parents and Professionals Helping Child Suicide Survivors.

· Scholz, B. (2002). Our Forever Angel: Surviving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide.

· Stimming, M. & Stimming, M. (1999). Before Their Time: Adult Childrens' Experiences of Parental Suicide

· Williams, J. (1998). Cry of Pain: Understanding Suicide and Self-Harm.

· Wolfelt, A. (2000). Healing the Grieving Child's Heart - 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends and Caregivers.

· Wrobleski, Adina (1994). Suicide: Why? 85 Questions and Answers About Suicide.

· Wrobleski, Adina (1994). Suicide: Survivors - A Guide for Those Left Behind.

II., WEBSITES ABOUT SUICIDE

A. General Information

American Association of Suicidology

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

National Mental Health Association

Office of Suicide Prevention for the State of Colorado

SPAN (Suicide Prevention Action Network)

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE)

Suicide Prevention Resource Center

B. For Youth and School

Communities Center for Disease Control: Youth Suicide Prevention Programs

The Jason Foundation

Safe Teen

The Second Wind Fund

Yellow Ribbon Foundation

C. For Colleges and Universities

Active Minds

The JED Foundation

The Truth About Suicide: Real Stories of Depression in College (a DVD)

D. For Workplaces and Adults

Mind Your Health in the Workplace

The National Institute of Mental Health's Real Men. Real Depression

National Partnership for Workplace Mental Health

ValueOptions Strategic Principles for Suicide Prevention

What Co-Workers Can Do to Prevent Suicide

E. For Survivors of Suicide

American Association of Suicidology Survivor Division

Fierce Goodbye: Living in the Shadow of Suicide

Heartbeat: Grief Support Following Suicide

National Survivors of Suicide Day (November)

Out of the Darkness Walks

Suicide Prevention Advocacy

Sibling Survivors

Surviving a Suicide Loss: A Financial Guide

Survivors of Suicide

Survivor Support Groups by State

F. For Training

On-Line Suicide Assessment and Intervention Training

ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) Training

G. For Screening Tools and Hotlines

National Depression Screening Day

National Hopeline Network

Screening for Mental Health

Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Your Experience

2007-07-11T14:31:00.000-06:00

Have you lost a co-worker or colleague to suicide? We would like to open the blog to discussing the topic of loss in the workplace. How has it affected you? Have you found the work environment to be supportive or unsupportive of you at this difficult time? Please share your stories, thoughts, and concerns here in this supportive environment.

Find a Support Group Near You

2007-07-11T14:25:00.000-06:00

The American Association of Suicidology has a great resource for finding a support group in your area. Access the link above or below and search their extensive database.

http://www.suicidology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=55

Coping with Suicide Loss

2007-07-11T14:20:00.000-06:00

Coping with Suicide Loss - Complex Healing Process

A. Beyond Surviving

No two people will grieve in the same way. Some will find support groups helpful; others may rely on friends' support. Some may turn to books; others may go to therapy. Some may take weeks to get back to "normal life"; others may find that life as they remember it no longer exists and they need to redefine themselves. Our response to the aftermath of suicide is shaped by a number of things - past experiences with death and loss, other current life stressors, our mental health, our family cultural traditions, our relationship with the deceased (e.g., strength of bond, presence of conflict, etc.), the circumstances surrounding the death, our support system, and our personality.

People feel a range of emotions in the aftermath of suicide - not everyone will go through all of these experiences and the length of each may differ, but these are common emotional reactions that often come like a tidal wave unexpectedly and repeatedly.

· Guilt and self-blame for not being able to prevent the suicide
· Anger at the person who died, at the world, at God, at yourself
· Experiencing suicidal thoughts yourself
· Depression and incredible sadness triggered by anything from major life milestones to a song on the radio

During the healing process, it is important to be patient with yourself and take each day as it comes. Surround yourself with caring people who do not try to fix things, but just listen without judgment. Set limits and postpone any major decisions if you can during this time. Basic self-care - eating, sleeping, hydration - are very important to feeling more stable and better able to handle the intense emotions. Avoid alcohol abuse and other mood altering substances - while they may alleviate the pain in the short-run, they tend to exacerbate depression and pain in the long run.

B. Coping with Holidays, Anniversaries and Birthdays: New Traditions and Healing Rituals

With an empty chair around the table, important celebrations can be particularly hard for suicide survivors. Before the holiday arrives, talk with the family about the expectations and consider creating some new traditions. For some, it may be better to be all together while others might prefer to be by themselves. Usually the anticipation of the holiday is worse than the actual day. There is not a right way to approach these days - find a way that works for you.

The death anniversary can also be a difficult time for survivors. Many find comfort in participating in some form of healing ritual of remembrance to honor the life of the loved one. Rituals serve many purposes for the suicide survivors. They make changes manageable and mark transitions. Rituals communicate values and beliefs while providing containment for strong emotions. The power of rituals comes from the fact that they often provoke deep emotional experiences that hold a level of meaning that words cannot capture. These practices may be done alone or with others: · Plant a memorial garden or tree. · Dove release or balloon release. · Candle lighting ceremony. · Write a poem or letter and release it to the universe by burning it.

For more information on surviving after suicide please visit The Carson J Spencer Foundation Website.

SUICIDE RISK FACTORS AND WARNING SIGNS

2007-07-11T14:14:00.000-06:00

SUICIDE RISK FACTORS AND WARNING SIGNS
NOTE: This post is intended for informational purposes only.

Adapted from Colorado's Office of Suicide Prevention

RISK FACTORS
· Depression, Bipolar Disorder, or other mental illness- especially when there is a heightened sense of hopelessness

· Significant loss (divorce, death, loss of health, separation, break-ups, loss of respect)

· Pressure to succeed

· Family problems

· Poor self esteem

· Family history of suicidal behavior

· Someone close to individual has completed suicide

· Substance abuse or dependence

WARNING SIGNS

People who are in danger of taking their own lives may try to reach out to others - sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly. Rarely will at-risk individuals immediate volunteer the information that they are thinking of harming themselves. Instead they might exhibit some of the following warning signs:

· Talking about suicide, death, or preoccupation with dying. Might say, "I wish I were dead" or "People would be better off if I am not around" or "Soon you won't have to worry about me" or "I just can't take it anymore. I am done."

· Has a suicidal plan and the means to carry it through (note: many attempts, especially in youth are impulsive. Thus, absence of a plan is not evidence of absence of risk)

· Trouble eating or sleeping (sleeping all the time, unable to sleep at all, not able to eat or overeating)

· Intensity of distress and agitation accompanied by depression.

· Significant changes in behavior and/or personality

· Withdrawing from family and friends

· Loss of interest in activities, work, school, hobbies, or social interactions

· Deteriorating physical appearance

· Giving away prized possessions and saying goodbye

· Previous suicide attempts

· Increased drug and/or alcohol use

· Statements about hopelessness, or worthlessness or feeling like a burden to others

· Taking unnecessary risks

· Sudden happiness or calmness following a depressed mood

· Obsession with suicidal means (guns, knives, hanging materials)

· Problems in school or work performance

· Chronic pain or frequent complaints of physical symptoms

· An inability to concentrate, trouble remembering things

ADDITIONAL WARNING SIGNS FOR ADULTS

· Stockpiling medications

· Buying a gun

· Taking a sudden interest or losing interest in religion

· Getting ones affairs in order - paying off debt, getting a will, getting life insurance

· Scheduling medical appointments for vague symptoms

ADDITIONAL WARNING SIGNS FOR ADOLESCENTS

· Volatile mood swings or sudden changes in personality

· Eating disorders

· Sexual orientation or gender identity concerns

SUICIDE MYTHS AND FACTS

2007-07-11T14:10:00.000-06:00

SUICIDE MYTHS AND FACTS

Myth: Suicide is extremely rare.

Fact: Suicide happens much more often than most people are aware. For every 2 homicides there are three suicides, and yet with the media coverage for homicide, you'd expect the reverse to be true. In many areas there are more deaths from suicide than there are to motor vehicle crashes. Tremendous amounts of money are put toward road care, safe driver enforcement, and vehicle safety, and yet very little is dedicated to suicide awareness, prevention and intervention.

Myth: Asking about suicide might put the idea into someone's head.

Fact: Bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do because it relieves the suicidal person of the incredible sense of isolation they experience and relays that someone has insight to their pain and cares about their well-being.

Myth: People who talk about suicide are just trying to get attention.

Fact: Almost all people who eventually die by suicide have given some clue or warning. When suicidal threats are not taken seriously, the person may conclude that no one cares.

Myth: If a person is determined to kill themselves, nothing is going to stop them.

Fact: Most suicidal people are ambivalent, wavering until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to die. For example, people in a suicidal crisis frequently call for help immediately following a suicide attempt. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever. Suicide is preventable.

Myth: People just snap and take their lives without warning.

Fact: There are almost always warning signs, but others are often unaware of their significance or do not know what to do.

Myth: People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.

Fact: Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help within six months before their deaths.

References: NAMI, Yellow Ribbon